Say the number. Four grams, 250 ml, canned within the hour. A real figure earns more trust than any adjective we could reach for.

Dry, never sour. The joke should land like the bitterness does: late, and on your side. We laugh at tonic and at ourselves, never at the person drinking it.

Plain words. Bitter, cold, salt, bark. If a word would look odd on a harbor notice, it probably does not belong on the can.

Stop early. Most drafts improve when you cut the last sentence. Leave room, the way a good pour does.